I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize