yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
