...so i touched it.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
