I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
false alarm. still invincible.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
