Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
