my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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