Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
