We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
