im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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