don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
