you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
