What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
