Who did Billy Mays play for?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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