I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
