After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
