just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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