you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
