I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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