Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
