apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
