tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
