But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
