I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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