and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
