So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
