sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
