so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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