Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
