Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
