I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
