do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
