there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
