I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
