My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
