My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
