i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
