Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
