well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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