She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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