just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
