I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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