Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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