Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
