i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize