He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
