Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize