life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
