I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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