Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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