Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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