You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
