HIV tests are more positive than that guy
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
