ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
