Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize