would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
