i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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