Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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