My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
