I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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