i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
