Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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