I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
