Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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