Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
