Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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