So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
