have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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