Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
