So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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