so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize