It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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