one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
