i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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