he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize