fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
