No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
