i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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