Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
