SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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