He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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