I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
