my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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