I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
