I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
