So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
