The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
