Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
