why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
