god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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