no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
