Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
