I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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