ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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