The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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