i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize